Self-Criticism: How to Manage Your Inner Critic

Why do you keep bashing yourself? You critic your body, your performance at the things you do to develop your life, the clothes you wear, everything – until it becomes an obsession.

How does criticizing help you; unless you are doing so intentionally?

We all aspire to be the best we can be. And analysing ourselves is a tool for measuring our efforts and achievements. While this is an excellent way to look at ourselves and measure how well we are doing, it can get in the way and metamorphose into over-valuation.

What happens when over-valuation takes place?

You become dissatisfied with yourself and your achievements. You feel if you are unable to do something a certain way you wouldn’t do it all. Even when you are experiencing positive results you find flaws.

Your standards are impossibly high. This is not to say you shouldn’t set standards for yourself. However, in doing so always ensure they are adequately high and achievable.

You concoct scenarios that are not there and obsess over them. This can result in self-doubt and self-criticism.

Self-criticism can affect one’s self-esteem, assertiveness, opinions, and eventually your self-worth, and your mental health.

Occasional self-criticism is a normal part of life. However, when it becomes excessive – it’s a cause for concern.

Self-criticism can be used for identifying strengths and weaknesses and personal development.

“The trouble with most of us, is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”

Norman Vincent Peale

Drawbacks of self-criticism.

  • When given feedback you respond defensively.
  • Have a hard time accepting compliments
  • Your perception are that of black and white
  • Avoid expressing your opinion
  • Overly self-aware and observant of details
  • Build up resentment
  • Fearful of challenges
  • You constantly question your authenticity
  • You are always anticipating “what ifs”
  • You are triggered when corrected because you presume you are not performing as expected.

You might be asking, “so how do I manage my inner critic?”

First of all, non-constructive criticism is never a good thing.

The problem with self-criticism is that it impedes your effort to grow and develop. It leaves us confined and never exploring new options and living a meaningful life.

If you want to transform your mind and thoughts, begin by recognizing what is holding you back and try to understand where those thoughts originate from. You can also seek professional help if you find it hard to deal with.

Those negative thoughts you have may not even be present in your head. They might come and go all the time. Get a journal and make a note of them so you can see how they affect you.

Let it all out.

Understanding where your criticism comes from is vital. The environment you were brought up in. The school you attended. Were you bullied? Look at this issue genuinely and wholeheartedly. And don’t forget verbal abuse. Anything that makes you feel less of a human or angry and worthless. This is your past. Look at it from all angles.

These are some of the negative experience that contributes to a limited belief.

Take that journal and write down your pain and experience.

What belief have you adopted as a result of your experience? What are your insecurities and fears?

Many times change is difficult but we can change the way we interpret what we hear from others. And I said that to say this, be mindful of your circles – the quality of people you are around. Sometimes they are no good for us. Take stock.

Forgiveness. You don’t have to meet someone face to face to forgive them. Try to understand them. Keep an open mind. I know it’s not your job to fix them, but it’s your job to fix your damn self.

When you can view the world in a way to understand, it becomes easier for you to get through life.

Let go of the words that was thrown at you. These are the words that dominate your mind making you believe “you are your worst critic.” In this case, you’re not.

Adopt a new perspective and what you want for yourself. What you don’t want for yourself change it. Even after your “house cleaning,” there will be things you don’t like about yourself. What would you do? What you cannot change try to manage and accept it.

Focus on becoming the best version of yourself and leaving your past behind. And don’t forget to laugh at yourself.

How do you deal with self-criticism? Tell us in the comments below.

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Decision Making: Why Is It a Struggle For Some of Us?

Have you ever feared making the wrong decision? Fear of the consequences? We all make decisions every day. Most of them are minor and insignificant. For example, what am I wearing today? What am I having for dinner? What if people don’t like what I choose? What if I choose the wrong thing?

Some decisions are more composite than others. For example, should I relocate to a different country? Should I get married and purchase a house? These decisions are critical because they can have a lasting effect on one’s life.

One of the many things you do in life is make choices. Your beliefs are influenced by experiences and the environment you grew up in – positive and negative. But when you choose to construct positivity you have the power to shift your reality.

Many times when making decisions miscalculations are made, and this can be credited to misplaced objectives or not thinking it through. Thus, you only view things based on your personal experiences. You tend to think that way without realizing it.

Overwhelmed, impatience or choice overload. These are some of the things that bugged us. I recall being at a point in my life when I was unable to conclude a plan in order to come up with a decision; it wasn’t that I hadn’t the capacity to do so, but more like an experience of a state of being overwhelmed and impatient. Sometimes I’d take forever. As a consequence, the decisions are made and improperly formulated never accomplished.

By now you’d know why.

Below I give you 7 reason that makes decision making a struggle.

  • You have no courage to follow through with your decisions.
  • You have no desire to see the goal materialise.
  • Perhaps your parents have done it for you in the past and now you find it difficult to make decisions of your own.
  • You take extensive time to make a decision and quickly change.
  • You have no firm desire of your own.
  • You cannot conclude what is right for you. Choice overload.

Here are a few tips to help you rid yourself of the habit of indecisiveness.

When you need to make an important decision, and you have several options, you can become indecisive. When you understand why you are in a state of indecisiveness you will be able to overcome it and develop more confidence in your decision-making process.

  • Weigh the benefits of your options
  • Be strategic in your thinking
  • Rid yourself of the perfectionist mindset
  • Understand the impact of your decisions
  • Work on your self-confidence
  • Eliminate options that are not valuable to you

You may ask, “what if you don’t know what you want?”

Stop it! If you’re the only person on the earth, would you know what you want? Imagine you’re the only person on the earth and that will make you know precisely what you want.

But why is this so?

When you imagine you are alone on earth while making the wrong decision and no one to judge you – you become more confident in going after what you want as opposed to imagining everyone criticizing you.

So it simmers down to your self-confidence.

To conclude, doing something beat nothing. The only way to move past your fears is to take action. And sometimes making the wrong decision brings a new perspective on how to move forward.

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Stop Criticizing Yourself: Why You Should Embrace Your Imperfection

What are your imperfections?

These are the personal traits that we believe make us inferior or even hate ourselves. It is our flaws. Those things that make us wish we were and try to change about ourselves.

You struggle to accept yourself for who you are. Many times you are unable to change these things. For example, hearing impairment or an accident that left you an amputee.

These are some of the hardest things for anyone to accept.

Then there is this feeling of the need to always be perfect at what you do. For instance, our performance at school, our job and our body. The list is endless.

Why beat yourself over things that are uncontrollable?

It is a natural part of humanity to feel the need to be perfect at something.

But what if you are only trying for those things that are beyond your power? Would it make sense? How far would you go to make it happen?

No one is perfect.

You may have been cultured from a very young age that you need to be perfect at what you do or look a certain way or perform to a level of expectation. And this impression lingers within you that you have to be perfect at everything you do.

No one and nothing is perfect.

If you’re still trying to attain perfection you’ll be doing so forever.

Or, you are delusional.

How do you embrace your imperfections?

Focus on what you can control

Trying to have control of what isn’t within your power will drain your energy and leave you in frustration. Instead, save it and channel your attention and energy into those things that are within your power. When you do this, you become the driver of your life. At this point, it becomes harder for you to criticize yourself because you’ve become intentional about the state of your mind and how you want to progress.

Within this sphere, you are growing emotionally and mentally. Your thinking becomes rational and this will keep you positive and aid in focusing on what is right for you.

This isn’t to say that there won’t be those days when you will feel like doing otherwise. You’re human and this will occur, but this time you are in control. How powerful!

Practice Mindfulness

Seeing this a lot? Am not done yet. I am a big believer in mindfulness and mediation.

Mindfulness increases your ability to focus, as well as observe your thoughts and feelings. Yes, it keeps you in the present moment and improves cognitive control.

When your mind attempt to trick you into thinking that you can achieve perfection; being mindful will be your lifeguard to save you from drowning in those thoughts that come back to deceive you.

There are many things you can change and so it is with those you cannot.

Develop self-empathy

What’s self-empathy? This is being kind, gentle and compassionate to yourself. It is when you accept yourself as you are. Strengthening your self-compassion will foster a sense of contentedness.

When you notice something about yourself you dislike, rather than being harsh on yourself, and trying to perfect it, recognize that the human condition is imperfect and this will make you feel connected instead of feeling isolated or different.

Final Thought

Stop chasing perfection, It’s not a pot of gold. Rather, embrace yourself with kindness and compassion.

Whatever you perceive to be the source of your suffering, always remind yourselves that no one is perfect – not even you. Additionally, whatever is driving you to believe that you can attain perfection; whether it is social media, your friends or that advertisement you always see on television, you would do better without it. Remember, kindness and compassion towards yourself are truly essential for developing worthiness and approval.

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10 Goal Ideas to Help You Grow in 2022

It is evident that the year is coming to an end and despite the ongoing dreadful pandemic many of us are here regardless we must be thankful for the opportunity to witness this time of year.

Hey, is it too early to make plans for 2022? It is just around the corner. What are you doing? Stop scratching your head and biting your nails.

I believe because of the pandemic many people are facing a lot of uncertainty about their next move and generally their lives, and may have an inclination to believe that setting goals during this time is baseless. This should never occur to anyone because even before the pandemic people were living their lives with or without a plan. But this coming year should not pass you like the previous one did – without any plans. Therefore, any attempt to discourage yourself from goal setting should refrain.

Stop putting things off for a “brighter day” and prioritize your self-interest. This is the only way you’ll be able to accomplish your goals. So if you want to make the new year one of fulfilment you need to set aside some time to make it happen.

To help you stay focused, I have briefly outlined some ideas that will propel you towards your aspiration.

Commit to improving your health: This topic should never be cliche. Most of you have things about yourselves that you would like to improve but are wondering where to start. When you commit to living a healthy life make it intentional and a lifestyle. Don’t try for a sudden change because this is a process and is not achieved overnight.

Develop a proper mindset: Your mindset is vital to your success in life. Develop a healthy one to make your life better and be clear with your visions and dreams. Change your definition of failure when you do this it will change your meaning of determination.

Be more open-minded: Be more receptive to new ideas and diverse opinions and information that you’re not aligned with. Open-mindedness is a positive character quality that allows you to think critically.

Live Authentically: Live in such a way that demonstrates exactly who you are and how you feel. Rather than acting as who you are not – or should I say pretending. Express yourself in a genuine manner that aligns with your beliefs and values.

Improve your communication skills: In the aforementioned, I talked about living authentically. When you improve your communication skills this will aid in the expression of yourself whether verbally or otherwise. Practice reading good and uplifting books to increase your vocabulary. Listen to inspiring and educational tapes and podcasts to become more informed and educated.

Cultivate a positive attitude: Pay attention to your internal dialogue. What are you saying to yourself? When you are faced with a negative situation avoid entertaining thoughts of anger, disappointment or regret, instead, turn it into a positive.

Get rid of toxic behaviour: How do you get rid of toxic behaviour? Set strict boundaries for yourself. Be mindful of harmful behaviours such as engaging in baseless arguments, complaining about things you cannot control instead of minimising them; hanging around people who are toxic – if you are trying to be better, avoid them.

Practice self-care: Make a conscious decision to take care of your mental and emotional well-being. There are many forms of self-care, but I believe that these two is vital for your day to day living. Get ample amount of rest. This will secure your wellness account for you to draw upon in times of high stress.

Improve your network: Form friendships that is worthwhile. In other words, quality over quantity. Try deepening existing friendships and weed out those that are ineffective. When you improve your communication skill your networking skills will also improve. Attend events not only for the alcohol but for the sake of creating opportunities and learning.

Work on your stress management: How do you handle stress? Do you walk around and beat up on people. Well not literally. But if you are one of those people who lash out when under pressure then it’s time to take stock. Accept that there are things that you cannot control. Accept that events will occur and stress is not the way to a solution. Set aside relaxation and leisure time in order to improve your performance

You can make 2022 your most productive year. A year of growth and development. Stay up-to-date by following us on Twitter http://@odee_ba or on Facebook and Tumblr and Linkedln

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